14 Weeks

We FINALLY went to our first doctor's appointment on December 1st and I was SO nervous! My appointment wasn't until 3pm but around 2pm my nerves started in on me. And for some reason, I just couldn't get my heartrate to slow down! The nurse said my blood pressure was great but then she's like "Yep, you're a little nervous" when she was checking my pulse. Then Dr. Lavengood came in (who is totally awesome and I owe my coworker big time for getting me in with him since he's not taking new patients) and I relaxed but not my little heart. I was excited too, which probably didn't help my BPMs.
At that point, Zack wasn't there because the nurse had told me all we were going to do was exams and tests and that's it and that Dr. Lavengood didn't do ultrasounds until later. So he asked me where my husband was and I told him he's at home on stand-by in case we did anything cool, and he told me to call him and tell him to come over and when he got here we'd try to hear the heartbeat and then go take a peek with an ultrasound. That was awesome because that's all I wanted! I just wanted/needed to see it. Like I said, it's totally weird to know there's a small human inside you and not being able to really tell.

So when Zack got there and we had finished all my exams and poking and prodding, then we went to another room where the office keeps their small ultrasound machine. It was so cool. I was only 10 weeks and we could see little leg buds and arm buds and the head and even the umbilical cord. The baby was really moving too. It rolled away from us a toward us and wiggled it's arms and legs. I won't forget it. I posted pictures on Facebook but here's one of them! This one's probably my favorite just because you can see the shape a little. The baby's head is on the right.

And at 10 weeks we couldn't hear the heartbeat yet because it turns out my uterus is tipped back slightly (which is totally normal) so the baby was sitting too far away to hear it. So I went back 3 weeks later on December 22nd at 13 weeks just so we can try to hear the heartbeat and as soon as he put the machine on me (I don't know what it's called, but it basically looks like a microphone connected to a walkman) we heard "wooshwooshwooshwooshwoosh". That was pretty neat. He said the baby's heartbeat is 162bpm and that once we're able to hear the heart chance of miscarriage is less than 2%. I was never too worried about miscarrying but I know it happens a lot and it's nice to have some of that worry off my shoulders. We found out sooooo early, but currently we're 14 weeks and going strong.

I have another appointment in 3 weeks as follow-up and then the next appointment is when we should be able to tell if it's a boy or a girl. So it should be right around the first of February, I think.

Oh, and am I getting any bigger? My friends and family can attest that I don't look any bigger but if you run your hand from one hip bone to the other you can feel a definite curving in my lower abdomen. And my pants and jeans are definitely tighter and sometimes when no one's looking I'll unbutton them. And where some tops made me look slim I now look like maybe I've been going a little crazy with the Holiday food (which I haven't, I swear.) I'm thirsty all the time and I need to eat every 2 or 3 hours or so because I can't eat a lot of food but I need to eat all the time. I feel like all I do some days is eat and pee all day long, to a point where it's seriously a chore to do either. But, all in all I feel lucky and blessed that it's been so easy so far. And Zack's great and awesome and supportive. I couldn't imagine not having the support and love he gives to me. I guess life is a series of adventures, and this one's of the most exciting ones so far!

How am I feeling at the end of Week 6?

Mostly excited! I feel bad for Zack though, because while he's super excited too, he's also started to worry. I know we'll be just fine. And what makes me feel bad/guilty is he's worrying about me! He shouldn't because as of now, I'm not worried at all.

As far as any major changes with me, not a whole lot. I've been breaking out all over my chin and on my temples. I just have to learn to not pick at them because that makes them worse! Duh! I get little cramps and pains every now and then but nothing too bad. And sorry for the TMI, but my boobs have been killing me! No morning/afternoon/night/middle-of-the-night sickness yet. I'm hoping I'll be one of the luckier ones and not have any at all. Though if I'm being completely honest I guess it'd be nice to get sick a couple times just for reassurance that yes, I am pregnant. It's weird knowing there's something so huge going on in your body and not really being able to tell that it's really happening. I find myself looking at everyone else's ultrasounds all the time to make my pregnancy more real. I absolutely cannot wait until my first appointment (on Dec. 1st). I'm also a little afraid about going to it because what if the doctor starts looking for a baby and can't find one? It's like you know there's money in your bank account but still you always panic a little when you run your debit card because maybe, just maybe, it'll decline. At least that's what I do!

I just finished Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy and it was super cute, but that poor girl had a horrible time with her pregnancy! If anyone reads it, follow my friend Beth's advice and don't let it scare you. One good thing it did for me was teach me a little how the epidural feels. I've decided I'm totally having one (and I don't care what anyone thinks) and no one's been able to tell me how it feels. The best description I got before the book was "Well, yeah it hurts, but it hurts a lot more without it." Huh? What's that supposed to mean? Like, breaking your fingernail versus breaking your whole finger? I don't know. But the book went through it pretty well. And what I liked about it is that it wasn't a scientific book at ALL, so you really got her emotions (and humor.) I've also been reading bits and pieces of What to Expect When Your Expecting which I love because it IS scientific so you get the facts. And it tells you what's happening with your baby this week.

I started taking prenatal vitamins, and get the kind that's made from rawfood because they won't make you throw up. Usually multi-vitamins make me toss my cookies about 10 minutes after I take them, but not the rawfood kind. I don't even get a little queasy with them.

And I know I said NO SODA but I've started drinking ginger ale. Which I know Canada Dry is making some that they claim is "Made from Real Ginger!" but I looked at the ingrediants on the box and there's NO ginger anywhere. So I'm drinking Vernon's. I'm pretty sure that's the kind my Dad and I would always drink when I was little.

And am I getting bigger? I don't think so, not yet. Mmmmmaybe my waist is a little tighter in my jeans but it could just be me wanting to see something. Plus I read that first-time Mommys don't start showing until their 3rd or 4th month because their body has never stretched like that before. And no weird cravings for me yet. Maybe I won't get them since I'm taking the prenatals because they say you crave what you're lacking. Like horses sometimes will start chewing on wood and dogs sometimes will eat rocks (that last one I'm especially privvy to.)

Anyway, I'll do another update in a couple of weeks (or as soon as I have something cool to tell.) I know that when I was curious about pregnancy I wish I could've found something to read that was a real life experience. Plus it's also for my own benefit so I won't forget!

xoxoxoxo

P.S. I updated my blogpost manager thing and now I can't find SpellCheck, so sorry if there's any mis-spelled words or words that simply don't exist. :)

Oh. My. Gosh.

So all last week I was feeling slightly off. Monday I had a fever and felt exhausted, then Tuesday and Wednesday were OK, then Thursday I had a fever again. I just figured I was getting sick.

I wasn't.

Friday morning my eyes popped open at 5:00am (my alarm's set for 6:00am) after having a dream that I took a pregnancy test and it clear as day said in black letters "Preggo" (funny, right?). At this point I was technically like 3 days late, but that wasn't a big deal and if I hadn't started by Saturday I was going to take a test. But then I thought "Well, if I'm pregnant now it's not like I'm going to be anymore pregnant on Saturday." So I got up and took a test.

One line. Totally normal. I've taken tests before because I'm that girl who always thinks she's pregnant (probably because I never have been before, so I didn't know what to look for.) So I brush my teeth and am taking off my makeup and what's this? Is that another line? Maybe I have makeup remover in my eye, maybe I'm still blurry from sleep... Nope. That's another line! *expletive*

The expletive was more from shock than anything else. I didn't really expect it to come out positive. I guess maybe I was used to negative every time I took one.

Friday was a weird day for me. I was full of swimming nerves. I imagined telling people and me being me I always picture the worst reaction. I was so nervous! I did tell my friend Beth (she's a mom, too) and asked her to look at the test with me to make sure I was reading it right. She said that's what hers looked like. So I started chugging water so at my lunch I could take another test, though this time it was the +/- kind. And wouldn't you know it? It errored out! I think it was because I was drinking too much water and it diluted out the hormones? That's my guess. I could sort of see a faint plus sign, but I wasn't sure. So after work I went and bought the digital yes/no tests and they were a definite YES. By the way, I totally recommend those ones so you're not wondering if you're seeing things.

I STILL didn't tell Zack that night. I was just so nervous! I guess I thought he might be mad (which is totally ridiculous, but you know, I was all doomy.) So Saturday I showed up at his work and told him to come with me to my car and I showed him my tests.

"Oh my God, you're pregnant!" he said.

But he was smiling.

He's totally excited! He called everyone on his contact list on his cellphone last night. My Mom cried, my sister was speechless, and my Dad even cried. I'm not sure if Snoopy cried, but she seemed excited, too.

And what about me?

I'm feeling so much better. I felt a whole lot better after I told Zack, and the more people I told, the better I felt. I'm getting totally excited! I'm terrified, but excited. And it's amazing how you take better care of yourself when you know someone elses life depends on you, too. I know it's only been 3 days, but I had some Sierra Mist yesterday and I felt bad! I'm all about the water now. It's still pretty surreal, and I think it will be more real after I get my first ultrasound (on Nov. 13th) so I can see or hear something. Proof, you know? At any rate, I think I'm totally in love again.

I really hope everything goes OK. I know some couples choose not to tell people until after the first trimester, but it's totally hard to keep that kind of secret! I dare you to try!

So, now the stats: First doctor's visit is November 13th (pray for us that it's only one little heartbeat. It's totally possibly for us to have multiples as we both have them in our families.) The due date is June 29th, 2010. In the first part of January is when we ought to be able to find out the gender. And I'm currently 5 weeks along. :)

On the Other Hand, I have Chai and Cashmere...

So, The start of a new week, and a new month, and a new season! As much complaining I do about the cold, I really do enjoy the fall. It's inspiring! It makes me want to knit, and sew, and cook, and really makes me wish I took a Home Ec class.


But today it really is coooooold. There's snow up on the mountains and I'll grant them they're very pretty. I'm at least happy that I don't live anywhere desolate. I like the variety of weather and of the terrain. If Colorado had a beach, it'd be the most perfect place to live. We have mountains and rivers and deserts and lakes and snow and dirt and rocks and trees and animals and 300 days of sunshine. Also we have so many different kinds of people: Cowboys and hippies and yuppies and blue-collar and white-collar. I guess I should count myself among the blessed, restless though I am.


It's amazing to me how different all of my blog posts are! One day I hate my job, and the next I'm excited for snow? Whoa. Those of you who read my blog must be exhausted! And speaking of my job, I'm ok with it. I am still keeping my eyes wide for another oppotunity, but hey, at least I have a job. Again, one among the blessed.


And I'm grateful for my husband! I feel bad for him because I'm not always the most affectionate, but I do love him very much. Adore, even! He really is the epitome of a great husband. He can fix things, and he can cook, and he helps me, and he believes in me, and most importantly he loves me. There's only one other man who rivals Zack for the position of #1 in my life, and that's my dad.

And all of my friends! I only have a handful of close ones, but that's all I need. I wish they all lived closer though.

Something I realized lately is that I have a lot of mother-figures, and I'm so amazed by that. My Mom, Snoopy, Paula, Pam, Oma, and Kathy to name a few. It's great to have so many different spouts of advice available to me.

I'm not rich and I wasn't brought up rich and now that I'm grown I wouldn't have it any other way. It doesn't matter. Going through school I was always intimidated by the rich girls who were so shiny I could see my reflection most days. I don't know how they're all doing or where they all are, but I hope the glitter took them where they wanted to be. I know that I'm almost where I want to be.

A Blog Just to Blog....

I haven't written in awhile, but that's because I don't know what to write about! Not much has been going on... Let's see....

I signed Indie (my little female dog) up for this program called D-SNIP. It's a low cost spay and neuter program for local animals. I donated $40 to the organization and they gave me a ceritficate that allows Indie to get spayed for free at Aspen Tree Vet Clinic. It was going to cost me about $250-$300 at the vet we've been going to, so $40 is AWESOME!

Also, we've had our first freeze and my garden died. But don't cry for me because I got a lot of great veggies from it. I had so much squash I didn't know what to do with it all, and I still have some tomatoes ripening in the house, and I pulled all my carrots. So I still have a lot of enjoying to do.

Zack and I found a gym to join, too! It's cool because they're aren't any enrollment fees, and it's about 24/7! We haven't actually signed up but that only because we have to meet with the owner to sign up and we can't seem to find corresponding times between our work schedules to meet him... But soon!! Hopefully this week.

I dyed my hair last night! And Zack bought me some hot-rollers so I can curl it in the morning! I LOVE it! My hair's like a dark auburn now. I will post pictures on FaceBook tonight.

Zack and I are getting our pictures taken this week. That ought to be fun! I'm still not decided on where we're going to get them done, though! I'm thinking on the river trail behind the mall... That usually doesn't have a whole lot of people. Any suggestions?

As far as work goes, it's still all the same. I guess it's a little better now that my attitude's changed, but I'm still on the lookout for a job I won't refuse. There was an Account Executive (which I'm pretty sure that means "Ad sales person") opening for the radio station that I sent my resume to, but I'm not sure my resume is impressive enough. I think I'd be good at it though.

And my book! Ah, my book! I really like where it's going, but I haven't written in it in a couple of weeks. I haven't been motivated. I need to just psych myself up with some awesome scenarios so I'll want to put it to paper. Believe me, I'm thinking....

I bought some new winter boots that just got here today. They're pretty sweet. I've never had real winter boots before. I almost wish it would snow so I could wear them! ...almost...

Anyway, I guess that pretty much brings me up to date with you all.

xoxox

Another Entrepreneurial Adventure

Gosh, I should just change the name of my blog to something like "I Change My Mind Every 5 Minutes" or "I Have Too Many Ideas for My Poor Little Head to Hold".



I have started on my story (I can't call it a book yet, that'd be too presumptive) and I've vowed to write something towards it everyday. Whether it's one sentence or 10 pages. Right now I'm at 5 pages. All I will say about it is that there is magic and a dangerous love interest. I hope it ends up being good.



Anyway here's my next idea which I've always secretly and not-so-secretly wanted to do: a boutique. But I think more along the lines of a higher end thrift store. Not consignment, but more like I'll hunt for cool things and then resell them. I don't know, maybe it'd be partly consignment. But then some of things I'm going to alter and modify so that it's more up-to-date. I think it's a cool idea. And also it's something that pretty much could be successful in any town so long as it's Durango-size or bigger.



Also, it makes complete sense for me to have that kind of store. I'm a thrift-store/consignment/vintage/ebay buying junkie. And everyone recommends doing what you're good at, and I'm good at buying cool stuff (at least I think it's cool) and I think that people would really benefit from looking designer while being consign-er. Also I've bought a bunch of books about starting online business and selling and buying clothes online. A couple of them are how to find quality things at thrift/consignment/vintage stores. And one of them is a how-to book on altering clothes. And get this! I'm actually reading them! I'm a great reader, but I never read anything that's not fiction, so I'm very proud of myself.



So I'm working, reading, writing, and daydreaming. I hope I can get everything I want to do done soon! I have zero patience when I want something. But the best part is, it's all up to me!

Inspiring Creativity

I've notice lately that I'm not nearly as creative as I was when I was a kid. One of my best friends and I played Fairies and Goddesses and Dragons for an embarrassingly long time, and then it's like since I traded my wings and glitter for day-dreaming of boys and glamorous clothes, I've lost that sparkling Imagination I had. I'm too logical for my own good and it kills my Imagination, which in turn sickens my Creativity.

But last night I had this awesome dream! And it was one of THE most creative dreams I've had.

I was in some sort of chicken coupe in the backyard of one of the houses I had grown up in. I was trying to usher these tiny, tiny chicks into their cage, along with their mom and dad. These weren't your everyday Easter-yellow chicks, they were about an 1 1/2 inch in diameter and they were stark black. And they looked like little pom-poms, because the had no definable head, just fluff, beak, and little teeny bird feet. And their mom and dad looked exactly like them only they were slightly bigger; about 3 inches in diameter. So there I was trying to shoo 6 (about) chicks and their parents into their house and one of them keeps hopping over my hand! So I pick him up in the palm of my hand and I could feel his bony, fragile feet on my skin and then he flies off! It surprised me, because baby birds can't fly. And he flew straight into this HUGE tree that looked mostly like an oak tree. The tree had so many other birds and bugs flying in and around it that I lost him immediately. And all the birds were different shapes, sizes, and colors, and all the bugs were mostly bees, dragonflies, and butterflies. So I locked up the coupe with the chicks I was able to round up, and trucked off to the tree.

It was too high to climb. I had to get that little chick back. For some reason, I knew that the creatures in there could understand me so I yelled "Hey! Do you know where that little chick went?" to the flying things and they ignored me and continued to circle, swerve, and land in the tree. I plopped down on the grass next to the tree and folded my legs. They'd have to answer or acknowledge me sometime. So I tried again. "Hello?!"

Then this little blue dragonfly came over to me. He was about and 1 1/2 long too, and he landed right in the palm of my hand. I just knew he was going to tell me where that little chick had gone. I waited patiently, didn't move or ask him my question. I knew he'd tell me...

SQUISH!

Dale (my dog) dropped his nasty, slimy, muddy tennis ball right on top of the dragonfly in my hand! I couldn't believe it! I picked the ball up with my index finger and thumb utilizing as little skin as possible because it was so gross and tossed it. I looked gloomily down at my little dragonfly. His wings were broken, as were his legs and thorax... Poor little guy....

Then my dreamed changed.

And that was it! Kind of a cool dream, I think. I never did find the little chick though, and other than my dragonfly the rest of the birds and bugs ignored me. But the dream gave me a hope that my Imagination is still alive and well, and I just have to unearth it. Anyone with any creativity-releasing tips is welcomed to let me know! And if anyone *ahem Britney* wants to help me decipher my dream, that'd be cool too!

Day 4 in Southern California

As you may or may not know, Erin and I are in California right now visiting my friends and family, and we have done so much since we got here that it's a relief really to have extra time to blog right now. We landed late on Saturday night in Los Angeles and one of my best friends ever Harmony picked us up. We crashed that night at my dad's and got up early on Sunday and drove the 2 hours down to San Diego where I was dropped off at my Oma's ("grandmother's" to the lay person) so I could go through all her stuff and take home stuff that I wanted. I got some neat vintage clothes and some pretty jewelry and some cookbooks. Through admittedly I did take some things just because I didn't have the heart to say "No" and also because my Oma MADE me take certain things. You know how grandma's can be. "Oh honey, this is SO you! You don't ear red?? Oh yes you do, you take that!" *Sigh*...

Then Harmony and Erin graciously rescued me and we drove around downtown "Gaslamp" in San Diego, which was neat because of all the years I've lived here, I've never really been downtown. Then we hung out with Harmony's boyfriend Justin and a couple of his friends.

The next day we awoke early again and packed a cooler full of lunch and went to Sea World! We were there from 11am to 9pm. It was so much fun but it was a long day. I've got some great pictures though! I will post them either on here or on Facebook as soon as I get home.

Then yesterday we went to the beach and checked out some tide pools which was fun because I haven't seen tide pools since elementary school. Again, I have pictures...

So today we got up and drove back to LA and went to Hermosa and Manhattan Beach. It's so pretty out here. It'd be so perfect if it wasn't so expensive, and if it wasn't for all the prissy looking people. San Diego is a lot more relaxed it seems. Not as much of a fashion show when you go to the beach as it is up here. I've never noticed that before. You know, a lot of people move to California to "be somebody", but really you just look like everyone else. Nobody looked unique to me. It's been a little eye-opening for me to see it as an adult. I've had these fantasies left over about California from when I was a kid. I still think and hope that Santa Barbara will be everything I remember. But it doesn't look like I will find out this trip.

But I looked at the clubs and the martini bars and all that's out here and I don't want to go in them. I like bars. I want to move somewhere where you can chill out at the beach all day and then go to a country bar or something a little more rugged and fun at night. Next trip will be the East Coast or the Southern Coast, but I think Zack would be even more hesitant to move to the Southern Coast because of hurricanes. All I know is I don't want to live in Durango anymore. You have to go 800miles in any given direction to get anywhere worth going to. I'm over it.

And speaking of Zack, he discovered my blog today! Which is fine, but I think he was a little hurt by it. So this next bit is just for him:

I love you so much! You're a great husband and you take care of me. I'm really sorry if anything here hurt you in the slightest bit; I never want that to happen. You're the best partner I could hope for and I miss you so much. I will be home soon! I am having fun seeing my friends and family but it would've been awesome if you could've been here and I'm excited to come home. I love, love, love you so much! xoxoxo

New Plan

Alright, since going back to has school flopped off the deck, I have been forced to think of something else. Today I also decided that getting a new job doing the same thing is equivelant to that famous saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So that option is not a progressive one. I've been fortunately forced to think about my strengths. I've gone so long thinking that while I'm a good person, I'm just like everyone else. I thought I had no special, stand-out-and-wow-'em talent. I'm a relatively good singer, but there's no way I could belt like you need to; let alone get over my stage fright. I also love to paint. But again, I fall short of greatness there. I'm not model-tall or stick-thin. I enjoy being me but had sadly been happy about just being average. And if everyone told the truth, I don't think anyone would honestly want to be average.

So my quest for Greatness continued.

Turns out a handful of my friends and family enjoy reading my blogs! And I enjoy writing them. I don't even really care how many readers I have (but if you ARE reading this, it'd be awesome to let me know. And if you don't enjoy my writing, well then. Go away, and quit reading it!) ;) I think I could possibly write a book! I don't know why not give it a shot! I have some good ideas, I think. I'm not ready to express them here quite yet, but they've got potential. And finishing a book would take as much dedication as going to school would.

Though I know I have about as much of a chance getting a book successfully published and sold as getting famous, but what kind of attitude is that? Like my blog description says, the first and biggest mistake you can make is assuming today will be like any other. In other words, assuming defeat before the battle starts.

So once I have a good portion of my story flowing, I may post an excerpt. So if you're interested, keep checking!

xoxox

Where Can I go?

(First of all, before you start reading this blog, please bare in mind that I'm am a happy person who is almost terminally positive. I just only feel like writing when something's weighing on me. I know the last few entries have just been complaining and ranting, but that's just what was going through my mind at the time. So anyway, point is, don't feel bad for me or think I'm unhappy. My close friends and family will know me :) )

A week from now I will be sleeping 8 nights in California. I know it sounds cliche, but I've learned that not just the Ocean in general but specifically the West Coast is engrained in me.

I don't know what it is lately that's causing me to be so homesick. I've been desperately searching for an essentially Pacific town without the cost of living in California. It'd be absolutely impossible for Zack and me and our dogs and our cat to find something remotely similar to what we have here in Durango in California for the price we're getting it. And then there's my mom who would be so heartbroken if I moved somewhere else. But how could she expect me to live in ONE place my whole life?? It's not fair. And the guilt I feel for wanting to be somewhere else isn't fair. I'm sorry to all my Durango-Fan friends, but I'm just not feeling it. I can appreciate what Durango has to offer like the mountains and the river and the snow for you snow-bunnies. It's steeped in history and is home to an excellent college. It has enough to provide for the people who live here but is lacking enough to still be "small-town". So I'm sorry but I don't like it anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. I've made a couple great friends and have met some beautiful people too, but it's nowhere close to being what I want. It'll be hard for me to find a balance, I'll admit. I need somewhere that has the solitude I need and the glamour that I want. How do you find that? I've been looking at South East coastal towns and the minute I mentioned them to Zack he shot it down. I know I could MAKE him go wherever but I don't want to do that. I asked him where he'd like to be if we couldn't live here and said the following: Montana, Wyoming, Texas, Tennessee. Puh-lease. Montana and Wyoming are immediately crossed off because they are too harsh. I've never been to Texas and Tennessee but from rumor and minor reasearch I've concluded that I'd like Austin and Nashville areas only. I think maybe what I'm lacking is any sort of Spice. Maybe that's my issue with Durango. You have to drive/fly 800 miles in any given direction to get anywhere worth going. That's it! I'm TOO secluded. I need a small town that's close enough to somewhere worth going.

Zack and I rarely argue about anything, but I see a ripple forming in our relationship in the shape of location. In any case, I have a couple years to try and find a common ground for us. I promised my sister that we'll at least stay in Durango until she graduates high school. Not all is lost!

Back to School Not-so-update...

Well looks like me going back to school isn't going to happen. I would love to but I definitely can't afford it. Plus, here's the catch with the Radiology Tech program: I'll have to take pre-reques which I had planned on and remedial math which I planned on also. But I tested out of Reading and I already took an English class at Fort Lewis so I wouldn't have to take that class. But I can't take Biology until I've take the Math so I wouldn't be able to do that until the Spring. But the school interviews for the Rad Tech program in April and I wouldn't be ready then to do the interview, so technically I wouldn't be eligible for the program until Spring 2011 and wouldn't be able to start the program until Fall 2011. And, there's always the possibility I wouldn't pass the interview because they only have 9 spots available each year then all those pre-reques would be a waste. Then, I would have to be a full-time student if I was accepted into the program, meaning I'd have to quit my job. And I don't think I could even get an evening job because they require internships and clincs that could be overnight. Plus, I don't want to work at night...

So then I looked into a Paralegal program but Pueblo CC doesn't offer that in Durango. Which honestly it was my first choice. Anyway I could take a Paralegal program online, but holy smokes do you know how much online school is?? One I looked at was $63,000!! I could go to a tangible school for less than half of that cost, INCLUDING living expenses.

It's completely bogus. How can I go to school if they're going to make it so damn difficult?? I've hit a wall. Maybe we need to move somewhere where they have a bigger school that's flexible. Isn't that the point of community college? Flexibility? That's what I always thought, but apparently not.

And I guess honestly I would quit my job and be a full time student if I could afford it. But there aren't too many corners I can cut. I'd need my computer and internet for school. And I need my phone, and trash service. The only thing I could afford to not have would be TV, which would give like an extra $70/month. We already have cheap rent for Durango, and I have animals so I can't move into a cheaper apartment or anything. I think I just have to live in small towns the rest of my life where it doesn't matter if you've gone to college or not... Which I don't want to live somewhere heavily populated anyway, so I guess that works.

It's time for a little Tea Party...

"Back to schoool, back to schoool...."

So I've applied to Pueblo Community College and am admitted (though yes, anyone can be admitted), and I've applied to FAFSA for grant money so now all I have to do is get an appointment with Admissions at the college and wait to see if I qualify for grants. If I don't qualify, I guess I'll get a loan and defer payment until after I graduate. I'm super excited. I'm going to get my Radiologic Technician "degree". It's a two year program, which is perfect and I looked at the course schedule and it's all purely radiology and patient care stuff which is great. And I have to thank our hygienist for telling me about being a Radiologic Tech. I told her I wasn't sure if I could handle being a hygienist because it can be really gross (did you know hairy tongues exist??), and she said her friend is a Radiologic Tech and he makes as much money as she does. Typically they make between $18-$48/hr, and they take and develope x-rays and CT scans and MRIs and all those things. So it's not just broken bones and teeth I've talked with my boss about it and he's cool with me going to school and said it was OK if I needed to leave work a early a day or two a week to go to class as long as I don't miss too much work.



Plus, it'll be interesting to go to school as a married adult. I don't think I'll be so socially distracted so I can really focus on my schoolwork. In High School I was always thinking about my crush-of-the-moment or wishing I hadn't worn what I did or talking, talking, talking. But since I already have my husband and am more comfortable with who I am, I hope I'll be more dedicated to school.



So to all my friends who haven't gone back to school yet, COME WITH ME! It'll be fun! Plus I need some friends in my classes.... :D

More Job Griping

Alright, if I'm constantly this unmotivated at work, I'm pretty sure that means it's time to move on. I've come to this conclusion:


I really do like where I work, and the people I work with, and yes, even the boss. They are all good people. I complain about a couple of them a lot, but it's nothing really serious. I mean, how often do you find a work environment full of females who for the most part get along pretty well? That's super difficult to find. The last job I had that had a lot of girls was THE most dramatic experience I've ever had. Talk about back-stabbing! One girl I still avoid at all costs and this was over 3 years ago. Terrible.


But the thing about my current job is I won't go anywhere with it anytime soon; and by "anywhere" I mean "money". And don't call me shallow. Money is the only reason any of us work. See, my boss is so tight-waisted right now (and will be for probably the next 10 years) that it's like pulling teeth (pardon the pun!) to get our paychecks from him. And say goodbye to raises for awhile if you plan on working here. We at least deserve to get our paychecks in a timely matter, don't you think?


And it's not just the money, it's my actual job description. I've come to really hate insurance companies. I hate being the collector. It's not easy. It'd be different if I didn't have to collect from individuals. Doing billing and collections for a company that works with other companies would be doable. But my problem is I have too much sympathy for people who are struggling. I'm good at my job, but I don't enjoy it. I like the dentistry field, but I think I'd prefer something more hands on like assisting. I need to go get my xray license and then I'd be oh so hired.

Anyway, today I've decided that I'm going to casually start job hunting again. If something great comes along in the paper, I'm all over it.

Nothing good in today's paper....

My Travel Plans for the Next Year

I plan on doing a bunch of traveling during the next year or year and a half. I think I'm trying to squeeze it all in because I feel like I'm running out of time. See I have a deadline because I want (and have always wanted) kids before I'm 25. And I'm 21. So, here's what's happening:



This August Erin and I are going to California for 8 days. We'll spend the first 2 or 3 days in San Diego, then the rest up in the L.A. area. I wish Zack could come with me. But work won't let him leave for a week, which sucks. But I know that Summer is their busiest time, plus Dale and Indie won't have any seperation anxiety if Zack's there. So, that's good.



Then I really want to go see Britney in Montana, but it looks like we're going to wait until Spring Break to go. It'd be early March of '10, and it'll be cold I'm sure. But it'd be so much fun to see her. Plus Zack's always wanted to take me to Montana.



Then in January while my boss goes to Denver for the Dental Convention, the two assistants and I will go to San Dia Casino and Resort in Albuquerque for 2 or three nights. I haven't told Zack this yet, but I have a little bit of time :D.



And I want to get out to New York to see Valen sometime. I doubt it would happen this year, but maybe next Fall. Maybe Thanksgiving! That'd be really cool; Fall on the East Coast is supposed to be very pretty. I've never been East of Colorado, can you believe it??



Then of course, there's Ireland next August. I've been saving for a month and I have $208 in my savings account. Not much yet, but in 4 more months I ought to be able to buy tickets for me and Zack. Assuming they're moderately affordable at the time. When I checked a month ago they were about $600, but right now they're up to $1000! But, I have at least 5 months until I can buy them anyway. I was talking to Zack about us going and he said "What if we go and don't want to come back?" Hmm... I don't know what would happen. I told him we couldn't not back at least for our stuff. Plus, there's Dale. I couldn't leave him nor could I put him through quarantine. So yes, we will come home. I told him if we really love it that much maybe we could just retire there, instead.

One Hell of a Week

Ho-ly cow, there has been so many things that has happened this week I don't even know where to start. How about the beginning?


Well there were all those crazy celebrity deaths the week before which added to the mood of the week, for one thing. And of course there's my boss' sour outlook that dampens my good nature. Then we went out for one of my best friend's Going Away party on Saturday of last week, which was fun. But I missed my step-sister-in-law's One Year Anniversary of Her Death party which was the same night, which I'm sorry about, but I don't think it warranted the reaction I got from my other step-sister-in-law. I think a bridge has been lightly burned. The next day (Sunday) we drove down to Cuba, NM for the Gathering. All of this, we already know.


Now, for the new stuff:


My poor big brother has been majorly overloaded with information. Turns out his step-father who raised him is someone completely different. I don't know how I'd handle it, but it seems like he's surviving gracefully enough. I won't go too much into here because I know it's not my story to tell, but someone should seriously make a movie on "The Workings of Big Ted", I think.


And my dad was sick all week, I hope he's feeling better. He doesn't get sick very often. But he's strong, so I'm sure he'll pull through.


Then my mom calls one morning last week and says "Have you heard from your sister?"
"No." I say.
"Well she ran away last night, let me know if you hear from her."
Ummmm ok. It turns out my mom and my sister had an argument and my mom told my sister to get out. So she did. She only went to her friend's house down the road and was back home the next night, but still. Then I avoided calling that night because if they were fighting I didn't want to get involved. So I called the next morning and they were absolutely fine! Perfect, perky, and chipper, even! I swear, those two drive me nuts sometimes. It's amazing because they'll be about ready for murder and then they go to bed, and then they love each other in the morning. Crazy. My dad always said that the Chinese symbol for war is two women living under the same roof. I don't know if he's right, but it's true nonetheless.

What else?


Oh, my best friend from the party moved away Monday and I miss her terribly. She's a little homesick, but she'll get tough. Plus, she can always come home!

And of course it was the 4th of July, which is an event in itself.


Then my other best friend had a huge blowout with her boyfriend and Zack and I gladly rescued her. But I'm so relieved that she's finally done with him. He was such a jerk. He was verbally abusive, and then it got slightly physical Saturday, which was the heaviest straw yet, and it was enough. Good riddance. So she's staying at my house for the next week or so. She found a great apartment downtown which she gets to move into on the 15th, which is awesome. I'm proud of her.


Gosh, well I think that's it. I think....

There's a girl at work

There's a girl at work and I really don't know how to figure her out. She's a wacko. The thing is I really like her, she's funny. But she's super dumb and I mean that in the most honest way. Just dumb. And now I have reason suspect that I can't trust her. Which is really sad because like I said, I like her because she makes me laugh. But the girl just lies all the time! It's getting ridiculous. Like this weekend I know for a fact her son's baseball team lost their game and she comes in and says how they whooped the other team and how wonderful of a game it was. Also, another co-worker of mine had $32 missing from her wallet on Friday, and it could only be this girl who would've taken it. It was only me, the doctor, my co-worker, and this other girl. It sure as hell wasn't me and the doctor is as good of a mormon boy you will ever meet. Then in the petty cash at work we have at least $40 that's unaccounted for. What do I do? Tell my boss my suspicions? I don't know. There are two people who need to be fired, the hygienist and this girl. This girl seems totally cool other than her obvious cluelessness but damn, I guess I can't be her friend. And it's a bummer because I know Zack gets along with her husband pretty well too. And last year she essentially embezzled a few $1000 out of the little league's saving account to pay her own bills (she was in charge of the account) and I've heard multiple rumors about dishonesty about her. Oh well... I've learned not to trust her around cash...

Much, much better

*Phew!* glad last week is over. So far this has been a better week. I know it's only Monday. But Saturday I went out with Zack, Britney, Erin, Erin's roomate John, Roxie, and John's friends Levi and Brian. It was a lot of fun. The only thing is I feel guilty because I completely, honestly forgot about Kaitlin's night, but I hope Amy can forgive me. But, I did have fun. I probably drank more than I should've because I had to wake up at 5:30am the next morning. Which was no fun at all because I was super tired, and I had to throw up. But I didn't :). And then I had to get up early on Sunday because I was going down to Cuba NM for the Rainbow Gathering to see my best friends in the whole world who were there and my brother who was with them. That was.... an experience. Within our first hour there we saw an old man doing yoga with a shirt, and hat, and no pants on (pretty funny) and a guy that had a seizure. It took us like...3 hours to find our friends' camp but we finally did. I miss them a lot. And even though I didn't get home until midnight, I was still happy because my boss said I could come in late this morning, so I strolled in at 9:20am instead of 7am. Awesome. I love sleep.

My Old Job

So I found out why my last job was such a bust last night. Apparently my ex-boss' wife thought of me as a threat to her. First of all, *barf* because my old boss is the biggest NERD ever. The guy would practically wet himself everytime he found a new software. And second of all, I would NEVER cheat. Ever! I pride myself on my ability to be loyal in all relationships, both professional and personal. And the real kicker is that she was 1/3 of the group that interviewed me and hired me in the first place! She was there! For those of you who don't know, my old job was in construction and I was the supposed office manager. I was supposed to start selling their townhomes they were building and then take care of all the office matters as well. Well, that NEVER happened. And it was because Mrs. Lame-o-boss didn't want me to work too close with Mr. Lame-o-boss. So I pretty much just sat around for a year and went on gopher-errands all time. Now dont get me wrong, I like errands. I like to get out of the office. I think I would be an awesome Personal Assistant (if anyone needs one ;) .) But they sent me on these errands because it was the lowest thing they could make me do without actually firing me. Job sucked. But the good news is I'm still friends with my manager from that job and I have a better job now (even though lately I've been complaining about it. At least at this job they love me.) But honestly, I guess I should feel flattered that someone would consider little ol' me a threat. I mean, if someone's going to dislike you, it's better for them to not like you for your good qualities than to nit-pick your flaws. Am I right?

Oh! Want to know something funny? So my ex-manager saw what was happening with me and Mrs. Lame-o-boss, so he tried to hire a girl after me who couldn't possibly be a threat. He hired a girl who had a girlfriend, who was older, who was a little over-weight, but who was apparently pretty cool though too. And Mrs. Lame-o-boss couldn't even handle HER around! I feel sorry for her poor husband, even though he's a dork.

On another note, more good news: I now know of FIVE people who check out my blog! Woot! Perez Hilton: Watch out! I'm right behind ya, buddy!

*sigh*

So I'm feeling a little better today. I'm really trying to get out of it. Do you ever just get in a funk and even though there isn't a reason anymore for you to feel that way, you still do? That's what's happening to me. I need to get happier because Zack doesn't know what to do with me when I'm all down. I'm not a down person, I'm usually really positive and happy and I don't worry about much. I just have to focus.

I'm still going to keep my eyes on the paper but I doubt I will actually quit this job anytime soon. I've too much invested here. I'm starting my 401k, they're letting me go to California this August, and I've already got the ok to go to Ireland next year. Plus, I'm sure things will get better soon. They have to.

I blog more than anyone! It's more of a release for me. Kind of like a journal. Even though no one really reads my blogs. I don't think anyway. I think maybe 3 people occasionally check mine out, but other than that I don't have much of a reader base. That's ok. Just means I can be more forward and honest in my writing.

So, I'm officially not happy

"So I'm officially not happy" with my job. I just am not good at collecting money. And my boss' happiness all relies on my money-collecting abilities. I'm thinking I need another job. Maybe. I should ride out the next little bit and see if my mood changes. I would rather be an assistant or something. I would really rather be a hygeinist but that can't happen right now. I have to go to school first. *sigh* I'm going to go check out the classifieds...

K, I just looked at the jobs in the classifieds and none of them right now look better than the one I have. I just am sick of the collecting, of the filing, and of the whole office depending on me... Dammit. I will look again tomorrow...

My Own, Personal Bitch Out

I'm bored and tired and it's only 7:45am. And I had weird dreams and Zack and I were both mad when we fell asleep. We weren't really mad at each other, but just in general. I had this bitchy woman cuss me out over the phone at work yesterday right before I left because her insurance hasn't gone through, and the reason is because they don't have her eligible! It's not my job to make sure your insurance is valid, or to figure out where to send it. You are supposed to know your plan so they're aren't any surprises, have the correct insurance card (you'd be surprised at how many people give me their health insurance card, when what I need is their dental insurance), know your deductible, maximum, and waiting periods. If I had to figure that out for each and every patient, my phone would end up growing into my ear. Anyway, it was just a sucky day yesterday.

I can't wait for the weekend even though I know I won't be able to sleep in. I'm going to my nephew's birthday party Saturday morning, and then to my sister-in-law's memorial for icecream, and then to my friend's going away party that night. Then I have to get up early on Sunday to go down to the Cuba NM area to see my friend who'll be there. It'll be a fun weekend, just not a sleep filled weekend.

I've been in a funk since like Saturday. I feel bad for my poor husband who has to put up with me. I need to do something nice for him.

My boss is still cranky, tight, and worried (see my other blog http://www.rustylustre.blogspot.com for THAT story.) That doesn't make work enjoyable. I'm just so frustrated! I need to focus on the positive things in my life. I have a great husband, good animals, a great family. I have food in the fridge and a home. I have a job. I'm saving up money to go to Ireland (again see my old blog for that posting, if interested.) I have bills which means I have some luxuries like cell phone, internet, computer, clothes, etc... I have great friends. *Sigh* ok, I'm a little calmer. I just am procrastinating now... I don't want to FILE! (at work)

New Blog

Oook! Here's my new blog! I could've just renamed my old blog but then anyone who reads it (all 2 of you) will have the wrong address, so here's my new one. I like the name better. More Me.