Inspiring Creativity

I've notice lately that I'm not nearly as creative as I was when I was a kid. One of my best friends and I played Fairies and Goddesses and Dragons for an embarrassingly long time, and then it's like since I traded my wings and glitter for day-dreaming of boys and glamorous clothes, I've lost that sparkling Imagination I had. I'm too logical for my own good and it kills my Imagination, which in turn sickens my Creativity.

But last night I had this awesome dream! And it was one of THE most creative dreams I've had.

I was in some sort of chicken coupe in the backyard of one of the houses I had grown up in. I was trying to usher these tiny, tiny chicks into their cage, along with their mom and dad. These weren't your everyday Easter-yellow chicks, they were about an 1 1/2 inch in diameter and they were stark black. And they looked like little pom-poms, because the had no definable head, just fluff, beak, and little teeny bird feet. And their mom and dad looked exactly like them only they were slightly bigger; about 3 inches in diameter. So there I was trying to shoo 6 (about) chicks and their parents into their house and one of them keeps hopping over my hand! So I pick him up in the palm of my hand and I could feel his bony, fragile feet on my skin and then he flies off! It surprised me, because baby birds can't fly. And he flew straight into this HUGE tree that looked mostly like an oak tree. The tree had so many other birds and bugs flying in and around it that I lost him immediately. And all the birds were different shapes, sizes, and colors, and all the bugs were mostly bees, dragonflies, and butterflies. So I locked up the coupe with the chicks I was able to round up, and trucked off to the tree.

It was too high to climb. I had to get that little chick back. For some reason, I knew that the creatures in there could understand me so I yelled "Hey! Do you know where that little chick went?" to the flying things and they ignored me and continued to circle, swerve, and land in the tree. I plopped down on the grass next to the tree and folded my legs. They'd have to answer or acknowledge me sometime. So I tried again. "Hello?!"

Then this little blue dragonfly came over to me. He was about and 1 1/2 long too, and he landed right in the palm of my hand. I just knew he was going to tell me where that little chick had gone. I waited patiently, didn't move or ask him my question. I knew he'd tell me...

SQUISH!

Dale (my dog) dropped his nasty, slimy, muddy tennis ball right on top of the dragonfly in my hand! I couldn't believe it! I picked the ball up with my index finger and thumb utilizing as little skin as possible because it was so gross and tossed it. I looked gloomily down at my little dragonfly. His wings were broken, as were his legs and thorax... Poor little guy....

Then my dreamed changed.

And that was it! Kind of a cool dream, I think. I never did find the little chick though, and other than my dragonfly the rest of the birds and bugs ignored me. But the dream gave me a hope that my Imagination is still alive and well, and I just have to unearth it. Anyone with any creativity-releasing tips is welcomed to let me know! And if anyone *ahem Britney* wants to help me decipher my dream, that'd be cool too!

Day 4 in Southern California

As you may or may not know, Erin and I are in California right now visiting my friends and family, and we have done so much since we got here that it's a relief really to have extra time to blog right now. We landed late on Saturday night in Los Angeles and one of my best friends ever Harmony picked us up. We crashed that night at my dad's and got up early on Sunday and drove the 2 hours down to San Diego where I was dropped off at my Oma's ("grandmother's" to the lay person) so I could go through all her stuff and take home stuff that I wanted. I got some neat vintage clothes and some pretty jewelry and some cookbooks. Through admittedly I did take some things just because I didn't have the heart to say "No" and also because my Oma MADE me take certain things. You know how grandma's can be. "Oh honey, this is SO you! You don't ear red?? Oh yes you do, you take that!" *Sigh*...

Then Harmony and Erin graciously rescued me and we drove around downtown "Gaslamp" in San Diego, which was neat because of all the years I've lived here, I've never really been downtown. Then we hung out with Harmony's boyfriend Justin and a couple of his friends.

The next day we awoke early again and packed a cooler full of lunch and went to Sea World! We were there from 11am to 9pm. It was so much fun but it was a long day. I've got some great pictures though! I will post them either on here or on Facebook as soon as I get home.

Then yesterday we went to the beach and checked out some tide pools which was fun because I haven't seen tide pools since elementary school. Again, I have pictures...

So today we got up and drove back to LA and went to Hermosa and Manhattan Beach. It's so pretty out here. It'd be so perfect if it wasn't so expensive, and if it wasn't for all the prissy looking people. San Diego is a lot more relaxed it seems. Not as much of a fashion show when you go to the beach as it is up here. I've never noticed that before. You know, a lot of people move to California to "be somebody", but really you just look like everyone else. Nobody looked unique to me. It's been a little eye-opening for me to see it as an adult. I've had these fantasies left over about California from when I was a kid. I still think and hope that Santa Barbara will be everything I remember. But it doesn't look like I will find out this trip.

But I looked at the clubs and the martini bars and all that's out here and I don't want to go in them. I like bars. I want to move somewhere where you can chill out at the beach all day and then go to a country bar or something a little more rugged and fun at night. Next trip will be the East Coast or the Southern Coast, but I think Zack would be even more hesitant to move to the Southern Coast because of hurricanes. All I know is I don't want to live in Durango anymore. You have to go 800miles in any given direction to get anywhere worth going to. I'm over it.

And speaking of Zack, he discovered my blog today! Which is fine, but I think he was a little hurt by it. So this next bit is just for him:

I love you so much! You're a great husband and you take care of me. I'm really sorry if anything here hurt you in the slightest bit; I never want that to happen. You're the best partner I could hope for and I miss you so much. I will be home soon! I am having fun seeing my friends and family but it would've been awesome if you could've been here and I'm excited to come home. I love, love, love you so much! xoxoxo

New Plan

Alright, since going back to has school flopped off the deck, I have been forced to think of something else. Today I also decided that getting a new job doing the same thing is equivelant to that famous saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So that option is not a progressive one. I've been fortunately forced to think about my strengths. I've gone so long thinking that while I'm a good person, I'm just like everyone else. I thought I had no special, stand-out-and-wow-'em talent. I'm a relatively good singer, but there's no way I could belt like you need to; let alone get over my stage fright. I also love to paint. But again, I fall short of greatness there. I'm not model-tall or stick-thin. I enjoy being me but had sadly been happy about just being average. And if everyone told the truth, I don't think anyone would honestly want to be average.

So my quest for Greatness continued.

Turns out a handful of my friends and family enjoy reading my blogs! And I enjoy writing them. I don't even really care how many readers I have (but if you ARE reading this, it'd be awesome to let me know. And if you don't enjoy my writing, well then. Go away, and quit reading it!) ;) I think I could possibly write a book! I don't know why not give it a shot! I have some good ideas, I think. I'm not ready to express them here quite yet, but they've got potential. And finishing a book would take as much dedication as going to school would.

Though I know I have about as much of a chance getting a book successfully published and sold as getting famous, but what kind of attitude is that? Like my blog description says, the first and biggest mistake you can make is assuming today will be like any other. In other words, assuming defeat before the battle starts.

So once I have a good portion of my story flowing, I may post an excerpt. So if you're interested, keep checking!

xoxox

Where Can I go?

(First of all, before you start reading this blog, please bare in mind that I'm am a happy person who is almost terminally positive. I just only feel like writing when something's weighing on me. I know the last few entries have just been complaining and ranting, but that's just what was going through my mind at the time. So anyway, point is, don't feel bad for me or think I'm unhappy. My close friends and family will know me :) )

A week from now I will be sleeping 8 nights in California. I know it sounds cliche, but I've learned that not just the Ocean in general but specifically the West Coast is engrained in me.

I don't know what it is lately that's causing me to be so homesick. I've been desperately searching for an essentially Pacific town without the cost of living in California. It'd be absolutely impossible for Zack and me and our dogs and our cat to find something remotely similar to what we have here in Durango in California for the price we're getting it. And then there's my mom who would be so heartbroken if I moved somewhere else. But how could she expect me to live in ONE place my whole life?? It's not fair. And the guilt I feel for wanting to be somewhere else isn't fair. I'm sorry to all my Durango-Fan friends, but I'm just not feeling it. I can appreciate what Durango has to offer like the mountains and the river and the snow for you snow-bunnies. It's steeped in history and is home to an excellent college. It has enough to provide for the people who live here but is lacking enough to still be "small-town". So I'm sorry but I don't like it anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. I've made a couple great friends and have met some beautiful people too, but it's nowhere close to being what I want. It'll be hard for me to find a balance, I'll admit. I need somewhere that has the solitude I need and the glamour that I want. How do you find that? I've been looking at South East coastal towns and the minute I mentioned them to Zack he shot it down. I know I could MAKE him go wherever but I don't want to do that. I asked him where he'd like to be if we couldn't live here and said the following: Montana, Wyoming, Texas, Tennessee. Puh-lease. Montana and Wyoming are immediately crossed off because they are too harsh. I've never been to Texas and Tennessee but from rumor and minor reasearch I've concluded that I'd like Austin and Nashville areas only. I think maybe what I'm lacking is any sort of Spice. Maybe that's my issue with Durango. You have to drive/fly 800 miles in any given direction to get anywhere worth going. That's it! I'm TOO secluded. I need a small town that's close enough to somewhere worth going.

Zack and I rarely argue about anything, but I see a ripple forming in our relationship in the shape of location. In any case, I have a couple years to try and find a common ground for us. I promised my sister that we'll at least stay in Durango until she graduates high school. Not all is lost!