Where Can I go?

(First of all, before you start reading this blog, please bare in mind that I'm am a happy person who is almost terminally positive. I just only feel like writing when something's weighing on me. I know the last few entries have just been complaining and ranting, but that's just what was going through my mind at the time. So anyway, point is, don't feel bad for me or think I'm unhappy. My close friends and family will know me :) )

A week from now I will be sleeping 8 nights in California. I know it sounds cliche, but I've learned that not just the Ocean in general but specifically the West Coast is engrained in me.

I don't know what it is lately that's causing me to be so homesick. I've been desperately searching for an essentially Pacific town without the cost of living in California. It'd be absolutely impossible for Zack and me and our dogs and our cat to find something remotely similar to what we have here in Durango in California for the price we're getting it. And then there's my mom who would be so heartbroken if I moved somewhere else. But how could she expect me to live in ONE place my whole life?? It's not fair. And the guilt I feel for wanting to be somewhere else isn't fair. I'm sorry to all my Durango-Fan friends, but I'm just not feeling it. I can appreciate what Durango has to offer like the mountains and the river and the snow for you snow-bunnies. It's steeped in history and is home to an excellent college. It has enough to provide for the people who live here but is lacking enough to still be "small-town". So I'm sorry but I don't like it anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. I've made a couple great friends and have met some beautiful people too, but it's nowhere close to being what I want. It'll be hard for me to find a balance, I'll admit. I need somewhere that has the solitude I need and the glamour that I want. How do you find that? I've been looking at South East coastal towns and the minute I mentioned them to Zack he shot it down. I know I could MAKE him go wherever but I don't want to do that. I asked him where he'd like to be if we couldn't live here and said the following: Montana, Wyoming, Texas, Tennessee. Puh-lease. Montana and Wyoming are immediately crossed off because they are too harsh. I've never been to Texas and Tennessee but from rumor and minor reasearch I've concluded that I'd like Austin and Nashville areas only. I think maybe what I'm lacking is any sort of Spice. Maybe that's my issue with Durango. You have to drive/fly 800 miles in any given direction to get anywhere worth going. That's it! I'm TOO secluded. I need a small town that's close enough to somewhere worth going.

Zack and I rarely argue about anything, but I see a ripple forming in our relationship in the shape of location. In any case, I have a couple years to try and find a common ground for us. I promised my sister that we'll at least stay in Durango until she graduates high school. Not all is lost!